Birthday Resolutions

So I celebrated my 18th birthday last Monday and to be honest I feel rather weird leafing through the last few pages of being a teenager. I felt that I haven't really enjoyed my youth that much and wished that I had another year to wreck my plain existence. However circumstances won't allow it so here I am formulating a list of resolutions that might help me discover my undiscovered youth and at the same time prioritize important things that I have failed to take notice of during my teenage years.

1. Eat. Pray. Love. Eat to live. Pray to survive. Love to exist.

2. Read more. Write more.

3. Go to school. I am in actually but sometimes I feel like as if I'm not. I should really take a serious note on my academics. I'm rolling downhill.

4. Smile. People sometimes think of me as 'suplado'. I'm not-honestly, I'm not.

5. Don't die yet, you still have lots to enjoy.

Anyhow, here are what my friends said concerning my "coming of age"

"Continue acting stupid. It makes you unique. Continue being useless sometimes. It makes you more worthy. Continue being imaginative. It brings you to another world. Just be yourself. Do some changes if you want. Nonetheless, you are what you are and will be what you are-GAY! (haha! peace!)"

-Pagi

*whatever Gee. hahahah. Go buy yourself someone to talk to. Hahaha. But thank you for the message. It is inspiring.

"Happy birthday ayaan! As Gee indicated, be who you are and continue to be the light in the darkness...(meaning flashlight) haha. Pursue your dreams and be a fashion designer and image stylist soon. We will wait for that like waiting for you to be a guy. Laki ta bhai!

-Bojing

*Me? A guy? that's like waiting for the moon to be brighter than the sun. hahaha. tinchu bojing.

"Nothing to display"

-Xela

*Big help xela. Thank you. Hahaha.

"Happy Birthday!!"

-Dhalat

*thank you lat! Really really long message.

"Zero. I know that you know what you are-a GIRL trapped in a BOY's hideous physique. (haha!!). I know its hard but that's life and you can't change that. The best you can do is make the best out of it. So now we're going to celebrate your 18th year trapped in a boy's body. :) You're laughing right?...Don't. Hahah.

Seriously I am talking about serious stuff here, man. I want to wish you a happy. happy birthday! This is my second time greeting you and I pray that you'd have more b0days to come so that I could greet you more.

Wishes? Hmm. Nothing much, really. Just that you'd be contented, healthy and truly happy with your life. Life is what we make it. Don't be afraid to fly! Nyaha."

-Emkei

*Geez Maria. This is not a hideous boy's physique. hahahah.

" "

-Masid.

*Thanks Sid. Being speechless is nice sometimes. Hahaha.

*to all of you. I wish you all gave me gifts. I would appreciate it more. hahahah. nonetheless, thank you. thank you so so much. :']

growing older is not upsetting; being perceived as old is -kenny rogers

happy birthday to me. ^^,

"Love is pain. Pain measures the extent of how much you love. "

Slap Mah Face!

I realized that my blog is worthless. I have nothing to offer, really. No stories to tell, no experiences worth sharing, nothing. Up to now, with over 70 entries, I still don't know what my blog is all about. I'm hoping, fervently hoping that I could start all over again and straighten things up but I can't. I'm too lazy for that and besides, that won't make me feel better. That would only make me hate myself for not pushing through. For not believing in myself. I'm not the type who stops in the middle of everything-at least that's what I think I am.

But seriously, what do i have to offer? I'm just an average teen ambitious enough to make my own blog. I'm not even a good writer. I'm not even sure if I really am a writer or maybe I'm just thinking that I am because someone labeled me, or maybe I'm just too stupid to defy peer pressure.

So far, all that I have posted here are my complains about my stupid life, my stupid self and all the recent stupid escapades that I have been on. I'm stupid, stupid and stupid. This blog is full of stupidities.

I don't want to wake up one day determined to delete this blog. I love writing. I love this blog. I hate giving this up.

I need a slap on my face. I need to wake up. Pour that cup full of boiling water on me please.

EXCUSES

Ten reasons why I don't think things can work between us.


1. I am a mess.

2. You're a mess.

3. I'm picking up the pieces only to realize that the pieces are slipping like sand through the spaces between my fingers.

4. You haven't even started picking up your pieces yet.

5. I need someone who'll help me pick up the pieces.

6. You're looking for help too.

7. I was, somehow, hoping you could be that someone in #5.

8. You are hoping that I could be the one who can help you.

9. I can't help you.

10. *you tell me the 10th reason(excuse)*


And yeah. These may be just excuses.

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